I’ve been going through a lot of feelings. And I feel kind of repetitive talking about it because I am pretty sure I have already touched on it. But it’s been hard for me to deal with anything.
Between working two jobs, trying (and kind of failing) to run a blog, write a book (haha, haven’t written in months), meet my reading goals (11/40), keep my house clean, and make sure I hang out and be social on top of everything else I won’t bore you with is getting to be rather exhausting.
I’m tired. Yet I have been pulling through on the faith that I will achieve something. But then I got to thinking, why am I not enjoying anything?
I just finished reading You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, which is basically a self-help book. I don’t normally read those. But I liked the yellow cover and have been feeling a lot of doubts lately so when I saw it, I decided to give it a go.
It’s didn’t change my life immediately and make everything grand. But it did help me start to change my perspective:
I need to stop taking myself so damn seriously.
Don’t get me wrong, I still think I need to take care of myself and achieve my goals, but I don’t need to be the wonder woman who can accomplish and achieve all at a ripe young age. I have time. I may not have any spare time right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fit good things into my life.
When you’re photo app is filled with just pictures of your work schedule, something has to change.
I recently tried Indian food for the first time. I figured I should start decomposing my white-girl palette, and I already love a good bit of different types of Asian food, so why not? Let me tell you, it is so flavorful. Not a single bite was bland.
I was afraid to try it because everyone and my dad said it was “spicy,” and I guess some dishes really are, but that doesn’t mean all dishes were drowning in hot sauce or peppers. There had to be something my baby mouth could handle. For all of you who can’t handle more than a jalapeño (me), I recommend the chicken masala (not the tikka) because it had zero spicy-quality and was really good over rice. I am still thinking about it and it was two weeks ago.
I went to New York and saw a Broadway show I have been dying to see for like three years. One of the first times I was in New York, I saw a billboard for Kinky Boots and was intrigued. This year, Brendon Urie was cast. I HAD to see it now. I went with a group of friends and took the train into the city. We had soup dumplings (life changer) and cookie dough on top of ice cream that we waitws about an hour to recieve. It was ninety degrees. I was covered in sweat. I barely ate much else that day. It is going to be one of my favorite days.
Because of these small events in my life, I haven’t even thought about the fact that I haven’t posted in two weeks. Or that my room is completely trashed. Or that I am falling behind on made up deadlines. I was free to just exist.
I wasn’t taking my self so got-damn seriously.
It’s okay to step back and enjoy what you can. I spent quality time with friends I constantly miss. I let the pursuit of happiness lead me to have peace of mind.
It’s easier to go back to work after I had some time to … live. I wasn’t on a grind. I could breathe. I could get off my computer. There was no pressure. I didn’t have to be anything or anyone. Just a girl enjoying some food and sun.
Let me tell you, going outside is nice. And I’m not talking about the five minutes you walk to and from your car to go into buildings.
We all need time to do the things we want with the people we want, without having an agenda. I went to see Kinky Boots because it was something I wanted to do. It wasn’t on a list. I tried Indian food because I wanted to experience something new. I didn’t check it off my bucket list as I stuck chicken and rice in my mouth. It just happened.
It is important to have goals and some direction. But it is so much more important to realize it’s okay to not have a solid plan. We walked through the city using an app to find our way and made the spur-of-the-moment plans based on what food everyone wanted to eat before the show.
You don’t need to write down a step-by-step guide to your life. Leave the page blank sometimes.